I always wonder, what would I have become if I never choose you but someone else.
Perhaps I won't be wasting my time in the past few years waiting for you to transform into someone I hardly recognised at all.
I am too naive. I know.
Wednesday, 31 December 2014
Tuesday, 23 December 2014
Liar
I wrote a very long diary yesterday dedicated to you.
I never believe that we would fallen apart but again and again I ask myself 'what's the point' for holding on for so long.
I thought you would look at what I've sacrificed for you but you never did. You only would blame me for not working hard enough to build for our future. And it always about money isn't it?
You never changed. It just that me being deceived by your lies.
I never believe that we would fallen apart but again and again I ask myself 'what's the point' for holding on for so long.
I thought you would look at what I've sacrificed for you but you never did. You only would blame me for not working hard enough to build for our future. And it always about money isn't it?
You never changed. It just that me being deceived by your lies.
Tuesday, 16 December 2014
Dangerous
Sometimes I feel dangerous to have fallen for someone in such a quick move.
Terrified but I am smiling all the time.
It can be good isn't it?
Sunday, 14 December 2014
Saturday, 13 December 2014
Treasured
I know the existence of him. He always there when I posted up some emotional status. He would private message me about it and din ask me the details but trying to cheer me up.
I always ignored him as usual.
And perhaps it's just the right timing that suddenly made me talk to him about my insecurity and worries. And God knows he actually know me quite well through my facebook.
At least he is trying to understand me.
Then I started to tell. Stories I long never tell someone except my the other half. My feeling, my stories and him, the guy that slipping away from my life...
And I thanked for the ears lending that lighten my worries and clear my doubts.
I indeed thanked for the kindness he gave me and out of a sudden he gave me his contact saying he'll always be there if I need someone to reach.
I feel warmth. After all these years that someone that supposed to by my side no longer will be there for me and it made me feel treasured, at that particular moment.
Thank you.
I always ignored him as usual.
And perhaps it's just the right timing that suddenly made me talk to him about my insecurity and worries. And God knows he actually know me quite well through my facebook.
At least he is trying to understand me.
Then I started to tell. Stories I long never tell someone except my the other half. My feeling, my stories and him, the guy that slipping away from my life...
And I thanked for the ears lending that lighten my worries and clear my doubts.
I indeed thanked for the kindness he gave me and out of a sudden he gave me his contact saying he'll always be there if I need someone to reach.
I feel warmth. After all these years that someone that supposed to by my side no longer will be there for me and it made me feel treasured, at that particular moment.
Thank you.
Wednesday, 10 December 2014
Voices
You tried to voice out.
He won't listen.
You tried to be reasonable.
He won't listen.
But he insisted a discussion because he claimed that he loves you.
And so you tell your feelings.
But he never really listened nor cared.
He just want you to follow behind him.
Do whatever he wants you to.
Be his listener when he's tired and stressed up.
But he won't listen to your voices.
He don't have time to comprehend you.
Because he's working hard for your future.
He thought you should have know.
And stop complaining about him.
Thus your voices will never be heard.
Your insecurity will never be fixed.
You lost yourself.
You recollected the past you've spent on him.
Repeatedly asked yourself whether it's worthwhile.
And you lost yourself, again.
One day you waken up with tears.
And he will never understand what you've been through.
He would never noticed about it.
As he never listened to you.
Never will be, anymore.
He won't listen.
You tried to be reasonable.
He won't listen.
But he insisted a discussion because he claimed that he loves you.
And so you tell your feelings.
But he never really listened nor cared.
He just want you to follow behind him.
Do whatever he wants you to.
Be his listener when he's tired and stressed up.
But he won't listen to your voices.
He don't have time to comprehend you.
Because he's working hard for your future.
He thought you should have know.
And stop complaining about him.
Thus your voices will never be heard.
Your insecurity will never be fixed.
You lost yourself.
You recollected the past you've spent on him.
Repeatedly asked yourself whether it's worthwhile.
And you lost yourself, again.
One day you waken up with tears.
And he will never understand what you've been through.
He would never noticed about it.
As he never listened to you.
Never will be, anymore.
Thursday, 13 November 2014
Sunday, 9 November 2014
Waken up
It is not the first time I get to know you went out with girl after broke up. You always have the excuses for yourself.
Hence, I finally opened up myself to them and told them how I was being treated all these years. And everyone looked surprise of why I never told them about these stories.
I tried to look at your good side. My conscious made me see what I wanted to see. All these years I never hesitated to give you a good life but after you climbed up and everything I got is just those broken promises.
It is not the first time we talked about your selfishness. And it just drift us apart. I never asked for expensive stuff like really wanting you to get me this and that. But seeing someone willing to spend definitely will secure one.
Being treated as a burden doesn't make me love you more. It just made me see the true colour of who you was and maybe who you really are. Maybe they are right about you. You never changed. It just that me that pulling you from the old you and now you back to who you are.
It is not our future that you are building right now. It is yours solely. You never put me into the plan, deep inside your heart. I was just an excuse for you to work on something.
And perhaps I no longer beneficial to you. Then everything fall into zero again. Included the stories we've been through.
You do not neglected someone for so long and come back once in a while and hoping to be entertained. I ain't the doll that you grabbed on hand. I settled down with you because of the promises you've made to me. And now I wondered what happened to me, myself, my life, my dreams and my everything.
You just no longer the guy I used to fall into anymore.
I have to let go.
Hence, I finally opened up myself to them and told them how I was being treated all these years. And everyone looked surprise of why I never told them about these stories.
I tried to look at your good side. My conscious made me see what I wanted to see. All these years I never hesitated to give you a good life but after you climbed up and everything I got is just those broken promises.
It is not the first time we talked about your selfishness. And it just drift us apart. I never asked for expensive stuff like really wanting you to get me this and that. But seeing someone willing to spend definitely will secure one.
Being treated as a burden doesn't make me love you more. It just made me see the true colour of who you was and maybe who you really are. Maybe they are right about you. You never changed. It just that me that pulling you from the old you and now you back to who you are.
It is not our future that you are building right now. It is yours solely. You never put me into the plan, deep inside your heart. I was just an excuse for you to work on something.
And perhaps I no longer beneficial to you. Then everything fall into zero again. Included the stories we've been through.
You do not neglected someone for so long and come back once in a while and hoping to be entertained. I ain't the doll that you grabbed on hand. I settled down with you because of the promises you've made to me. And now I wondered what happened to me, myself, my life, my dreams and my everything.
You just no longer the guy I used to fall into anymore.
I have to let go.
Thursday, 6 November 2014
Thursday, 13 March 2014
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Pain
I started to blog about you in the very first start of getting to know you.
From the doubting to be with you and till the never given up of you in our relationship. I surrendered myself in your love and I started to build the life with you always by my side.
From a girl that always yearning to fly away I settled down myself in this island just for being with you. I thought I found peace in me. I thought we will be forever in love. I thought...
There is a saying sounds like 'being with someone that gonna bring out the best of you'... I am watching you getting better, getting mature, getting good in everything and for me to dependent on. And yet I am losing myself ever since I being with you. I thought the process is temporarily, your changes just temporarily. It turned out I was wrong.
I was wrong in the very first place. That I thought you would never ever intend to break my heart.
And now I have to take the consequences and feel the pain you have caused me to hate myself and you.
From the doubting to be with you and till the never given up of you in our relationship. I surrendered myself in your love and I started to build the life with you always by my side.
From a girl that always yearning to fly away I settled down myself in this island just for being with you. I thought I found peace in me. I thought we will be forever in love. I thought...
There is a saying sounds like 'being with someone that gonna bring out the best of you'... I am watching you getting better, getting mature, getting good in everything and for me to dependent on. And yet I am losing myself ever since I being with you. I thought the process is temporarily, your changes just temporarily. It turned out I was wrong.
I was wrong in the very first place. That I thought you would never ever intend to break my heart.
And now I have to take the consequences and feel the pain you have caused me to hate myself and you.
Saturday, 1 March 2014
New Task
Being selected as the coordinator for Anchor Idol this year as the existing coordinator decided to resign and Dato' insisted the coordinator must be someone from School of Communication. I can foresee that a lot of meetings await me and a lot of things to do in the coming days.
Kill me.
Wednesday, 26 February 2014
Erased
I have made a quick move. Deleted those photo that remind me of you.
Time to erase our past.
And it is time to clear my heart.
Time to erase our past.
And it is time to clear my heart.
Tuesday, 25 February 2014
Rock a bye
I never thought that I finally decided to let go the life that I stuck for so long. I hardly remember the reason I hold on for so long. Perhaps I picture it over beautifully and things do not turn out what we wish for most of the time. Well, after all these years hoping for something or someone to secure my life, it is time for me to wake up from that slumberland and be who I was in the past. Be someone I admired and impressed at, even though I wasn't the perfect one.
Strangely I no longer feel the heartache that you have caused me in the past. Tears still dropping down but at least I feel release after what you did to me.
Bye kiddo.
Strangely I no longer feel the heartache that you have caused me in the past. Tears still dropping down but at least I feel release after what you did to me.
Bye kiddo.
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