Mid9 InSoMNia

I shud be sleeping right now as i promised Jack just now. I went to bed bout 11 sumthing and suffered for insomnia til now at 2.26 am. Can't sleep at all..dunno wat to do. Lazy to start my Japanese language revision, lazy to watch drama series, lazy to walk out the room n go to toilet..just damn lazy at the moment.

Jack said dat diet ain't gonna help me unless i change my life-style. Though i don't reali think dat it affecting me became fatter. I do agree dat my daily life need to hav a small changes. Yet seems like it gonna be a hard time for me to get it started n maintaining it. It kenot be denied dat i used to stay awake til the dawn break out n indulging myself in slumberland in the morning til afternoon throughout this semester. That's why it considered as a mission impossible to get my normal life bek. Sigh*

Watched Raising Helen just now n reduced me into tears..i think bout sis when i was watching it. Recall the sudden flow of my tears when she scolded me through the oversea phone call. Are we gonna keep on this kinda endless quarreling til we getting old? Although i knew she real angry bout me but it reali hurt when she was yelling at me.. I dunno whether she wil browsing here anot..But indeed sorry sis..i owed u this apologise dat night..

Shin mentioned dat i'm special fren for her. Just bcos i never bother bout money spending n don't craving for saving n future plan after graduate. She said dat i seemed enjoying my life so much and if everybody has the thinking as me then shud be no more sadness n wonders. I was doubtful dat i avoided to think bout my wonders unless it's time to make the choices. Perhaps i'm the youngest at home..being spoiled by my family members. They all became my back up when i was in need or troubles. There was a time when i needed to work part time in form six, for not being burden to my parents while my brother pursuing his talent in graphic design.

And now i'm the only one dat stil undergraduate..mum n dad never give me any pressure in study since i was in secondary sch. I do knowing that they put their hope towards me deep inside their heart. Appreciating their loves, i reminding myself never let them down n i'll grab every opportunity even the slightest chance being offered. Sumtimes tired of keep on searching n trying to get the right path..the fear of failed and losing the opportunity or direction. I have to cope wit it all alone cos nobody would make the decision for me. Not even my parents. I owned my own path.. blame no other when i'd make the stupid mistakes. I'm enjoying it cos it's my choice to be where i am right now. No regret..just like wat i used to say.. No turning bek.

Now i wondered wat i'm goin to be after graduated. Shin asked me then i said i'll try to get scolarship to study oversea. I'm not only told her but all those who close to me..dat's my only wish. I dunno wat i'm goin to do if i failed. Am i goin to be a journalist? Where am i suppose to get my 1st job..Pg? KL? Spore? or any place dat i might be contented in? ...dats why i hate to think bout it..cos i cant forsee any of it..

Talk to Yee Guan this morning while we're on our way for photo shooting in GeorgeTown..recall lotsa bout internship. She was in Nanyang Siang Pao n get so many opportunities to cover story oneself. Then i told her those ppl i met during my internship in NST and those unforgottable memories. I miss NST sumhow..i read the column of my editor this morning and felt weird. I'm reading the column of the person i spent 2 months wit and quite closer compared to other editors in NST. And she's damn cool indeed..:) I knew i'm blissful cos got the opportunity for havin intern in NST. It's a place for improving myself n i really learnt so much there..It's a great journey for me to grow up. Yee Guan asked would i be bek NST after graduate..i told her i will if i reali capable to be there. I know i'm not for the moment..

I chat wit Huang dat took his trip on official business in Netherlands for a while n Cammie til now at 5.52am while i'm writing this post..finished my instant noodles as i broke the promise to my mum dat i wont hav any instant noodles here after i bek pg. Feel like sleeping d...^^ Jack, thanks for ur concern, but i cant switch it bek yet..Thanks Cammie for the long chat.. we're non-stop gossiping..;p

我怀念的

有点像抄袭孙燕姿的歌曲。我不懂，为什么我总是很轻易的记得他对我说过的每一句话。至今，还是会毫无预料，突然的涌现在我脑海里…没办法忘记那些日子，没办法忘掉他的字字句句，没办法忘掉他的细心与温柔，没办法忘掉他醉酒后告诉我的那些话。我们的距离忽远忽近，我以为我早已放下那些日子的迷惘，才发现原来它一直都在，我不去想，不代表我忘了，我不再去记，是担心自己陷入太深。那夜的谈话，才发现他还是有浏览我的部落格的习惯，还是有留意我的心情故事……为什么我总是会在不对的时间遇到那些我想珍惜的人呢……为什么我总是会就这样的错过这样奇妙的际遇……他曾经说过每天早上打电话给我已形成了一种习惯，我也开玩笑的回他说每天早上接他的电话也变成了我的习惯，可惜的是，这习惯已不复在……他问我何时能再相见，告诉他我也不懂。我怀念的，是他的坦诚，真心相待。想告诉他说，上一篇确实不是写给他的，但这一篇肯定是给他的，但不译中文的他将永远不懂，永远不明了。

I DuN LiKe

I dun like the way u talk to me. I dun like the way u make me miss u like hell. I dun like our relationship right now. I dun like we're wasting time right here. I dun like u. I dun like myself. I dun like our past, our memories. I dun like everything between us. It keeps holding me back and can't find to move forward. I dun like..perhaps i've fallen too deep. Perhaps i care. Perhaps it's all about love..

Dear Purple Witch Denise

Dear Denise,

Here is a dedication for ya dear..since i din leave u any answer in ur last comment and i'm quite lazy to air-mailed u..:p

Well, i jz bek from hometown n watched Resident Evil at GSC, Queensbay this evening. Finally my mum mentioned dat i'm getting chubby and asked me dun eat too much. And now i hav a good reason persuading me to start my diet..(It remind me dat i jz had my McNuggets n french fries 4 hours ago) I promised Pang Wu i will loss my weight bek to my previous one. It means i need to hav weight-loss around 8kg within 2 months....speechless right?

Apart from it, I planned not to work during this holiday cos i indeed need a goos rest and a long vocation to unwind myself. But then my fren asked me to work for her this thursday til 21st Oct during my study weeks. I promised her d cos i think that i stil got time to do my revision n my final exam is less heavy as previous semester. And for sure i wont be work after my last paper on 13th Nov cos i am lazy n i wanna get home n wishing my mum would feed me well during that period. Summore i'm goin to sit for my Japanese proficiency test on 2nd Dec. Forgot to tell u dat i register for level 300 n 400. I'm quite afraid dat i might be failed cos i din do any revision in this sem seriously.

No more Phuket in this vacation. Perhaps i will go to Langkawi wit Loony them but haven reali decide it. Kinda weird if i drink a lot and nobody und my feeling or willing to drink wit me. I need a companion when i drink..lol. By the way, will go to Hatyai wit Mei Lin n Jenny in Dec be4 we started our new sem cos promised them since a very long time d. Hope i can save my money n spent it wisely..those the words my sis use to remind me again n again.

U left so much here but reali wish u could catch up when u bek. Not that we dun wanna share when u ask. Just not a right place, right timing, right person. Face to face is more easier for me to tell cos u do know that ur facial expression n the way u asking make me wanna tell most of the time. Maybe it's ur instinct personality to be kepoh..;p kidding dear..suddenly find no words to say then talk nonsense here in my blog.

Just now browsed my fren's photo album in Finland..so envy. Sobbing.. i wish i'm just a foreigner in this country.. then perhaps i wont eagerly for leaving here. I stil wondering whether my result good enuff to get any scholarship for me to run away..i just wish to fly away at the moment..
Beside dat, i had my hair curly recently. It's kinda scary but i'm quite enjoying it cos i was getting bored wit my straight hair. Well, am i satisfied ur curiosity bout my present occurrence? You may ask more about it but i hav the right not to answer u..:p

Love ya dear..do take care urself n buy me souvenirs..lol

无聊

最近都失眠
觉得很空虚
整个人慵懒的
不想动
不想走
不想思考

向往着悠长假期
向往着沙滩
向往着追看日剧与韩剧

想要跑步打球挥洒汗水
想要纵容泪水的滑落
但我 就只是在想
没有行动
没有进展
没有头绪

想要写封信
告诉远方的她我的近况
但突然想到每天上网都在见面
耻笑自己的愚蠢

我不是天真
只是想要保留日常中的简单美
我不是难妥协
只是不想让自己变得那么复杂

我不想回头
却又望不到前方
我不想犯错
却还是一错再错

压力让人迷失方向
诱惑让人迷失自己

我很无聊 我知道