Heartache

So Den, i was thinking of you since you been gone last night. I woke up this morning and noticed the message that u text me in the early morning. I thought it was too late for me to get you a reply so i just ignored it, but still i keep it in heart.

I recalled the day when i fallen into pieces, i was craving for a companion and you always there for me. Perhaps we both used to feel safe and contended in each other's company. And i think you pampered me most of the time and you don't even realised that you ever did. You never give me a cold shoulder when i was in need. How am i going to live the days without you if we finally choose to fall apart after a long consideration about our own future?

I got a great offer from my lecturer this afternoon. Something that i always thought that i wanted to have in life. Some foreseeable future that i would feel safe to have rather than exploring myself. Yet it makes me think twice again, and again perhaps. Should i continue what i am doing right now for a better future or just switch to a different life to find my very own path?

I am hating to do the same old things once and once again. I don't feel like repeating it and i don't want to be a loneranger after all. I called mum this evening and thanks God she always could comprehend those feeling that hidden in my words. I wonder sometimes, could she ever feel the fears and hesitation that i am encountering all the time?

I spent my evening with Mei Lin at Coffeebean just now. After all these years dwelling myself into Starbucks without a second thought on Coffeebean, I just caught myself falling into the songs that keep airing there...those are the songs, that i used to keep it playing in Hi-fi during my what so-called uniformed school days. What kind of person that i suddenly turn into nowadays...*sighing*

I wanted to settle down myself, wanted to get a shoulder to rely on when i feel indefensible... But i just couldn't get the right one all the time. I feel silly to put my trust at the wrong person. I feel sad to take those trifles to heart. Perhaps it doesn't bring any significant meaning at all... It should be just ended in this way. And it is indeed sad when you know that the only thing you probably could do after all is nothing but just to say goodbye...